Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
