Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
