what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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