I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
