piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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