i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
