Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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