Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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