from now on my penis is your penis
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
