Only a mothe r could love this liver
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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