If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
