4 words: hood of his car
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
