Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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