Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
