You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
