I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
