I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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