Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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