took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think weed is turning my hair brown
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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