Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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