it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
