Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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