I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
