I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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