It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
