You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
