If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
we have pet lesbian snakes
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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