god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
