'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
