know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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