He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
