playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
