I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
