I looked at my own cervix.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
