So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
