is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
