Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
