i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
