drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
