Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
