she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
