and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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