I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
