Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My life is pants optional.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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