3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
