Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
