We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
