Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I am naked and annoyed.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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