is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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