there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
