i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
