Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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