but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
no you cant smoke seaweed
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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