Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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