Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
