Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
