Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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