Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
soo... how was my night?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
