speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
