theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
