Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Randomize