If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
