So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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