Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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