id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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