i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
