Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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