if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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