I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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