ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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