i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize