I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
